Becoming a 1st Time Mum Over and Over

Written by InnocentCharmer. Posted in 2013, addison, grayson

I have been a 1st time Mummy not once, not even twice but I shall be a 3rd time again when Sweetpea is born.

My 1st Time

Let me explain, when Grayson was born I was literally a 1st time Mummy, what an amazing time it was, the way I felt for Grayson has no words, to hold him, to see/smell him, to care for him, my 1st Son, a child who suffered from Birth but always continued to smile and give me love.

As Grayson started to grow it became apparent things would never be “normal” – he would always be my 1st child and son, but he would never complete 1st time milestones like other children.

grayson_milestone

One of Grayson’s 1st’s – yes I like to remember them all.

2nd Time Being A 1st Time Mummy

When I found out Addison was going to be a girl I felt like a 1st time Mummy again, I am not sure if everyone feels this way when you know you are having a child of a different gender to your 1st but I did, the fundamentals are the same of course, she still is a tiny newborn baby, but the nappy changing is different, the way you dress them, even I think the relationship you form.

But as well as Addison being different cause she was a girl, there was the fact that she was “normal” – it became apparent life would be different as early as when she was 9 weeks old, she rolled  over, we couldn’t believe it, each time she made a milestone, walking, talking etc it would bring so much joy along with a great deal of hurt, 1sts were in some respects tainted as it felt so upsetting that Grayson had not yet got to experience them and in all honesty whether he would.

But As They Say Time Is a Great Healer

I never thought it would be, but honestly it has been, don’t get me wrong there are still days where I will sob that Grayson doesn’t get to ask me for what he wants, to run to the slide as his sister does, but I have learnt to accept that is how life was supposed to be for some reason.

Plus as a Mummy you can not tarnish one childs achievements because another is different. Seeing Addison achieve big and small milestones brings me so much joy, like today, something so small to me feels so large.

addison_drawing

Addison’s Drawing Today

Addison and I were playing with her colours (crayons) this morning, usually she just scribbles crazily on anything that comes into contact, over the past month she likes to try to identify the colours, which is great, but today she actually named to me what she drew, I mean they are still very clear squiggles with no definition, but to her they were, so I wrote against each drawing what they were, this will go up in our gallery at home, I love to remember these important times, these little things that feel huge in my heart, one day Grayson will find a way to follow in his Sisters footsteps, yes that’s the wrong way round but So What.

picture_gallery

Our Wall of Art

Lastly 3rd Time Shall Be My 1st Time

Only as I wrote this post did I realise that *touches wood* Sweetpea will also be another 1st time Mummy experience, if he is what we hope for, he is a “normal” little boy, so yes he is my 2nd son, but he will be my 1st son without difficulties, he will be the 1st child, that holds a different place in my heart and I can’t wait to see how he does, when he starts to distinguish colours, when he starts to smile and when he realises he is the luckiest brother in the world to have Grayson and Addison to look up to.

Roll on being a Mummy to 3.

Flashback Friday – This Week 4 Years Ago

Written by InnocentCharmer. Posted in 2009, 2013, grayson

I am linking up with the very lovely Jenny of Mummy Mishaps again for her Flashback Friday Linky, head over and check it out.

This week 4 years ago is the week that changed my life forever.

This week 4 years ago I woke one day as a Mummy to a little boy but by the end of the day I went to sleep as a Mummy to a Son with complex Medical Needs.

I never thought this would happen, but it did, would I change it if I could ? Hell Yes! But do I wish it never happened – No! Because no matter what I have the most amazing son in the world.

This little boy…..

Grayson at 4 months PicMonkey Collage

We in that week never found out what the full extent of Grayson’s needs and disabilities would be in the future, but I will never forget on 26th April 2009 being shown to an office to be shown a picture of Grayson’s brain and the large amount of damage that was on it. I will never forget calling my family and telling them. But when I walked back to Grayson’s room where we spent the next few weeks living I knew it would be ok and this picture I think tells you why.

Grayson the Frog