Warning – Soppy/Happy post – not apologising, just warning!
The beginning of the week saw me in such a bad place, a place I thought would take me so much time to come back from, normally it would. But this past month after some truly life changing events I have become tougher, I have learnt to value what is most important and to remember life really is too short.
I am so fortunate, I have the most amazing husband, I honestly could talk of him for hours, I am not going to lie, it is certainly not a bed of roses, there are days where I nearly chuck him out of the front door but he is my soul mate, the day I first spoke to him I knew it, I knew I wanted to sit with him till my oldest days, people watching, laughing, watching crappy TV and just holding his hand.
Today I was reminded of how amazing he is. Not only as my friend but as the father to our children, I watched as he climbed to the tops of soft play, as he slid down slides meant for toddlers, how he spent 2 hours making our children’s faces light up.
Every day people say to me how lucky I am to have such a hands on husband with our children, but I am not the lucky one, they are, he has the most gentle touch with Grayson, knowing how to make him at peace but 10 minutes later can throw him into the sky so he can fly in the air and be free.
Watching him with our children is the best part of our 13 years together, he loves having children, he was made to be a Father, as I type this he has music on for our youngest 2 to dance to, as Addison says “Daddo twirl like me” there isn’t a seconds hesitation, I am giggling as she teaches him to twirl (something he can clearly do) and she giggles as they fall to the floor on purpose.
But not only is he a good father, he is my best friend, my rock, he hasn’t cried once this week, he has wanted to, I can see in his eyes, but he is always my rock. I can see it is troubling him, what we learnt and I know him, like all of him, I have for many years now, so I know how to make him feel better, that’s what makes us soul mates, that is what has and will keep us together and smiling, we know how to care for each other.
He doesn’t know I am typing this post as he dances in front of me, as I watch him, but he does somehow, we have spoken of this for many years, how we seem to know what the other one has going on in their brain, in a sixth sense kind of way as I look up he is standing in front of me and our song comes on, not “our song” but the one we walked down the aisle to and has since become our song. He takes my hand and we dance, we don’t feel silly, I love to dance with him, Addison is giggling, Deacon has no idea and Grayson is annoyed we are blocking Mickey Mouse,
But this moment is why I am ok! Now and next week and the one after, I am still going to cry and I am honestly terrified, but my body is not tight with fright, I am ok.
We made a simple memory this evening, an ordinary event, Addison came to dance with us a minute into our song, then Deacon and we forced poor Grayson, Ashley and I on our knees, holding the hands of our babies, this is what they will remember, we will keep making these ordinary, simple memories as they will replace the many hospital stays, the times when I can’t be there because of them, the times when we are split up,
I was going to pull away and take a photo, but then I realised I did not want to, I wanted to be in that moment, I didn’t need to capture it with my phone as it is in my heart.