Life is for living. It’s a cliche but true.
I am a pleaser. Always looking to make everyone happy, to make people like me.
You can’t make people like you. Even with the kindest heart.
People should like you for you. Something I have always known to be true but ignored. For fear of being alone or unloved, I think.
But I am not alone. I have four people in my home who need and want me every day and that is what is most important. Even if sometimes it is the most terrifying feeling.
That is what life is living for.
But even more than that I need to live for me.
To make me smile, to make me happy, to enjoy experiences for me.
We all do it at some point, stop living for us, it’s very easily done as a Mum. But we shouldn’t. We shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting things/time and experiences for us.
Life isn’t easy, my life certainly is not. I have spent the past few years allowing pain to control me, to allow depression and anxiety to decide my fate.
But I need to change that. I need to regain some control, to stop painting my smile on and smile big.
It will be a journey. By no means an easy one. I will be knocked down, but I will get back up and try again.
You will bear witness here, my little corner of the world, a corner that has been mine for 10 years. Dealing with all my little pieces of me.
I will live new experiences, make some dreams happen. Some alone, some for Kara, not a Mum or a wife, just a little girl locked into an ageing body.
Some will be for my Husband and I. Reconnecting, finding our relationship as it grows through hard times onto better times.
And some for my family, those three little people who tire my body and my brain. But also made me the most important part of who my being is.
Life really is for living – cliche or not!
How do you want to live yours?