Please Stay With Us Mr.Happy

Some of you will know that I have struggled the past few months to deal with Grayson’s major personality changes, I am not ashamed to say I have cried most nights (and even some days), it has caused rows with myself and Mr Innocent Charmer, it has caused me to go within myself and to be very self loathing.

Grayson was always no matter his huge amount of problems and trials an incredibly Happy little boy, people would comment everyday that they had never seen such a smiley happy child, we would be stopped in the street, he made the most immense eye contact you have seen and from a very young age knew how to make you feel the most special person in the room.

They thought Grayson was one of the very few special needs children with severe Brain damage that would not suffer with Autism, all for these reasons, then it all changed. I can’t say a certain date, but it started around 10 months ago, the boy who would always smile and giggle, who would play with toys in his own little way slipped away, at first it was gradual but very quickly my Mr Happy become introvert, we lost eye contact, smiles, and then the playing with toys all but disappeared.

So I can not describe the feeling I have had this past month to start seeing a glimmer of my son returning, the smiles are back, it’s amazing, as quickly as they disappeared they one day reappeared, as has minimal eye contact.

My Step Mum babysat Grayson last week and commented on how un-nerved she felt when through a whole meal of feeding Grayson he made solid eye contact and chatted (in his way), so much so she rung me in tears, you see this hasn’t just affected Ashley and I but our family as a whole.

Having a disabled child most days for me just feels like everyday, I know NO different, I had never had a child before Grayson so in a way this is our normal, but I can’t lie having no contact with your child and not knowing what is happening in his head is isolating and upsetting, so to feel a glimpse of my Mr Happy back in my life has allowed me to cry some more, but not just tears of fear (as he may retract back) but of happiness and relief that I feel Grayson is smiling again on the inside and out.

I just pray that he isn’t taken back off of us as quick as he has returned.

About Innocent Charms Chats

Kara Janelle, Plus Size Blogging Mama. Vintage Lover, Interiors Obsessed, Chair Crazed, Collector of Much remembering to Smile as it is the 2nd best thing you can do with your mouth.

  • what a beautiful heart felt post and one that I wish with all my being will be one that you can follow in next year to say it has continued.
    Keep enjoying your beautiful boy he is stunning and I adore his eyes and can only imagine just how amazing it is when they now make contact with you xxx

    • Thanks lovely lady, I pray the same too, I hope I type a message to you next year of pure positivity xx

  • I hope with all my heart that your Mr Happy stays with you. xx

  • What a touching post. I hope that your little Mr Happy is back for good x

  • I’m in the middle of writing a very similar blog at the moment about my SWAN. (Just don’t seem to be able to find long enough to concentrate on anything lately). She’s been having increasingly erratic mood swings the past 12 months so I completely understand your emotions xx Here’s to the good moods staying around (said with fingers, toes and everything possible crossed) xxx

  • jenny paulin

    and there i was complaining about my ~OH being away 3 days each week! its just pales into significance when i read your blog and about what you all go through.
    i really, really hope your boy is coming back to you lovely, because you need that. he needs it, you need it and so does everyone who is affected by him. (hugs) xx

  • Bec

    A truly moving post hun. I hope the signs that he is coming back to you get more frequent, he truly is a gorgeous boy xxxxxxx

  • Kara,
    I just want to give you the biggest hug.

  • I love you honey and I am so happy to hear that Grayson is smiling and happy again!!! I hope he keeps smiling for you; but like I’ve said before I am sure he is happy inside ALL THE TIME because you and Ash are such amazing parents and he has a super duper Auntie Sonia who loves him dearly 😉 xx

  • Kara, I love you too! That is such a beautiful post and you truly are one of the most incredible and inspiring people i know. I’m so pleased to hear the you’re Mr Happy is returning and hope with all my heart it continues to get better for you all. xxxx