Raising A Superhero / 6 Weeks On


The day went past without me even realising, yesterday has been 6 weeks since Grayson’s emergency surgery. In some ways it feels like a life time ago, in others it still doesn’t even feel like it really happened.

He is doing amazingly, no lies, the doctors said he came back from it better than even a healthy, normal child would, it looks like there is no lasting damage, other than the fact he is not really sleeping but that path had already started.

It is crazy to think 6 weeks ago my son had hours to live at best, to think they thought he wouldn’t come out of surgery, that we should have lost him, but today as I fed him breakfast he excitdely shouted at Mickey Mouse like nothing had happened and the only reminder to many is a very awesome scar on the side of his head which in fact is nearly completely healed.

Brain surgery

For me though it has started a downward spiral, I am struggling, I am terrified to let him out of Ashley or my sight, I want him wrapped in cotton wool.

To be honest I have always been like that to a certain extent, I have always struggled to let him go, but I was doing so well, I was letting him live life, letting him be as normal as he could be, I knew Ashley was right when he would say to me “Let him be like any other child” but he isn’t, what happened is proof of that. It is looking more and more likely he is having a new type of seizure which is causing the falls, we are awaiting so many results to find out, but as everyone that has seen him medically this month has said “He just is an unique little boy”, I do tire so of hearing that, especailly when they are using it in the terms of saving my little boy, keeping him from harm, healthy and happy.

Grayson a Superhero

Not only has it affected how I want to parent him but it has affected me, I was on a start of a new journey before his fall, I was starting to find ways to love life again, to look to the good and work through the bad. But now I feel lost, I feel so alone and am struggling to understand why our life has to be this way. Why we can not afford to support our children, why my eldest son has to endure such pain, why my other children talk constantly of ambulances and hospital appointments.

I don’t want to be doom and gloom, I want to try and be happy, I have always fought hard to never show any upset online but now I feel like it is all I ever show.

I need to find a path that makes us happy, we need to embrace life, travel, make memories, stop hating our everyday, stop panicking at every letter that falls through the letterbox.

Any tips, any ideas ? I know there are no magic money trees, or buttons to make Grayson normal, I am looking for realistic help.

Grayson swimming

About Innocent Charms Chats

Kara Janelle, Plus Size Blogging Mama. Vintage Lover, Interiors Obsessed, Chair Crazed, Collector of Much remembering to Smile as it is the 2nd best thing you can do with your mouth.

  • Emily Beale

    Oh my beautiful friend. My small experiences in life hardly make me qualified to offer any advice at all. Just keep going is all I can say. Try to celebrate the small and simple things in life and be grateful for them. I felt quite low a week or so ago and sweet feelings of gratitude for all I had helped pull me out of my funk. I love that you all went to the park together last week – sweet moments like that are ones to treasure and be grateful for! Don’t worry to much about the things that during this season in your life aren’t quite possible, hang in there with hope for good times to come 🙂 Love ya!

  • msedollyp

    I cannot even begin to understand all that goes on in your life,as with many bloggers,your posts are always uplifting balancing and strong,putting my own life into perspective.
    There is no perfect life,only the one that you have to live,and those cuddles,smiles,moments are what weave that life and make it strong.
    All of you are so very strong,together,each and for eachother x

  • I wish I had an answer, I wish more than anything that I could make you happy and take away your pain. But what I do know is you’re an amazing person with the kindest soul who see’s the good in most people. You have to be amazing dude, you created a superhero. Not just anyone can do that. I am here for you always, up and downs and in between. You are allowed the dark days as it helps you to find the days that shine bright. Love you.

  • Is there any one you can talk to – It isn’t a solution for G, but you might fin some comfort? perfect CBT

  • Oh hon I wish I could help, I wish I was closer, I wish I could take your pain away. Like Jen said CBT may help, I’m getting it myself and it does make a difference. Look at how wonderful G is and the rest of your amazing family. He is a Superhero and he the most amazing parents anyone could ever ask for. You will come through and things will get better. x