Thank you Addison…
….for being such a sweet soul, for loving your brother more than I can write in words.
Thank you for making me cry in the dark, even though you didn’t realise, for you not believing any different.
I am so sorry we are going to fail you, I am sorry your dreams will not come true, that those simple thoughts are not achievable.
Grayson turns 7 on January 4th, there are times we never thought we wouldn’t be lucky enough to spend 7 years with him, there were times we did not know that your 7th birthday would not include toys, parties and annoyance at your siblings. But that given right was taken from him before he was born.
…Your sister does not understand, as we chatted in the car she said how you are going to be a big boy now, which means it is time for your big boy toys, she is sure you would love Rubbers & Pencil case and of course a football as you are going to play together now you will be a big boy!
It was single handily the most beautiful and upsetting moment as a Mummy so far.
Hearing the excitement in your sister’s voice was just so…..
Your Daddo knew, he was feeling the same pang and in the darkness he held my hand and as I sobbed silently he chatted and listened. He heard how she described her reality, an untrue one, he was strong.
I wasn’t, I couldn’t even run away, part of me wanted to, another to scream so loud to whoever chose to give us this life, to take away from you all. A relationship that can not be, experiences you will never get to know. It really is not fair!
I am lucky, that I created 3 beautiful children, not just on the outside, but your hearts, the love, I am thankful. I just wish I could make those dreams come true!!!!
Love you babies.