Thank You My Subconscious ?

I have never been a great sleeper, I have an overactive subconscious, I have had night terrors since my teens, they can be very un-nerving, but this week I had the worst dream/nightmare ever, or maybe it’s the best I am just so unsure.

I woke in a sweat, for minutes I couldn’t decide if what had just happened was real, I prayed it was, then when I fully awakened and the realisation hit me, I sobbed, I sobbed hard.

The dream has not left me, every day I am stopped and relive the dream, sometimes I smile but more often that not I am left in knots, it is just so vivid, it feels so real.

So why did this happen?

I was in my living room, I was tapping away on my laptop, it was a lovely Summer’s afternoon, I had the window open and as I was typing away the warm breeze was blowing against my cheek, Grayson was down for a nap next door in his bedroom, Ashley and Addy were out shopping. (See very vivid). All of a sudden there’s a noise from the bedroom, it sounded a little like Grayson had fallen out of bed.

I jumped up and made my way to his bedroom, as I walk through the living room door and turn to Grayson’s bedroom I am met by a beautiful little boy, not so little actually, he is tall, slim build with the most stunning Grey eyes, he has tanned skin, is wearing Jeans and a lovely Blue Polo Shirt, he is looking me in the eye, with the most beautiful contact, but with a hint of cheek like he has just been naughty, I look at him in, our stares lock, it feels like minutes but in fact it is barely seconds.

All of a sudden this boy walks up to my face, smiles and says I Love You Mum! It’s then it hits me, this is Grayson, my baby. With that I am jolted awake.

He was, well how do I describe, pure perfect, he was about 8/9 and wow he was handsome, he was cute, well spoken all with the right amount of cheekiness.

This day I know will never happen, I am not being negative, I just know this is not possible for my son, I don’t love him any less, but right or wrong if I could make this dream reality, I would in a heart beat, for now I have to smile when I close my eyes and my dream appears and then I cry when my eyes open that this is not how it will ever be. To hear those words would be everything I could ever wish for, screw a million pounds, or world peace, thats what I wish for.

About Innocent Charms Chats

Kara Janelle, Plus Size Blogging Mama. Vintage Lover, Interiors Obsessed, Chair Crazed, Collector of Much remembering to Smile as it is the 2nd best thing you can do with your mouth.

  • Oh I am crying so much right now. I think you are lovely. I am sure that even though your lovely little boy can’t say it himself…he will definitely be thinking it. Hugs x

    • Aww thank you, apologies for the tears, never my intention, but I truly appreciate your kind words x

  • Bec

    Oh Kara you’ve set me off too. I can’t imagine how this must make you feel but I’m so sure that if he could, Gray would say this and so much more. Who knows, one day maybe xxxxxxxxxxx

    • Thanks lovely, sorry to have made you cry, it’s just my blog is the greatest place to get these emotions out, typing it somehow always makes it feel better xx