I don’t know what to write here, but I feel like I need to write, I need to see it written. Actually I have already seen it written, as I Friday received a letter in the post, which made it all very real, set a date that means I now, even if I had been able to can not put it to the back of my mind.
Months ago I one day found a lump, but stupidly and I mean stupidly, ignored it, I thought it was just another sore throat with swollen glands, I was wrong.
Luckily or not I have been very unwell these past few weeks which led me to go and see the doctor, the night before my appointment, I lay in bed and felt the lump again, I thought well as I am there I must mention this to the doctor, as most things I thought it would be nothing to worry about, I was convinced that this was just me over worrying as always, but the second I saw my Doctors face I knew this time it was not the case.
The first words that he said “Kara it’s on your Thyroid” like this was something seriously important, I am clearly not sure if I should have known the importance, but now I do, the rest of the appointment is blurry, I didn’t ask the questions I should have as I was scared/frightened and in shock.
I got home to Ash and he could see the fear in my face, I think he knew straight away that I was frightened and that the doctor had made me that way.
So a week Monday on the 28th at 4pm I shall be walking into Ultrasound Department of my local hospital, as I did last week and shall be on the 8th Feb but this time it’s not for that reason, this time I won’t be seeing my little baby Sweetpea, this time I will be finding out ??? Shit I don’t know, but I know it will affect the rest of my life either way.
By the way this post is not for pity, I just need luck, as much as I can take, cause… yes I AM TERRIFIED!
