I have never been a great sleeper, I have an overactive subconscious, I have had night terrors since my teens, they can be very un-nerving, but this week I had the worst dream/nightmare ever, or maybe it’s the best I am just so unsure.
I woke in a sweat, for minutes I couldn’t decide if what had just happened was real, I prayed it was, then when I fully awakened and the realisation hit me, I sobbed, I sobbed hard.
The dream has not left me, every day I am stopped and relive the dream, sometimes I smile but more often that not I am left in knots, it is just so vivid, it feels so real.
So why did this happen?
I was in my living room, I was tapping away on my laptop, it was a lovely Summer’s afternoon, I had the window open and as I was typing away the warm breeze was blowing against my cheek, Grayson was down for a nap next door in his bedroom, Ashley and Addy were out shopping. (See very vivid). All of a sudden there’s a noise from the bedroom, it sounded a little like Grayson had fallen out of bed.
I jumped up and made my way to his bedroom, as I walk through the living room door and turn to Grayson’s bedroom I am met by a beautiful little boy, not so little actually, he is tall, slim build with the most stunning Grey eyes, he has tanned skin, is wearing Jeans and a lovely Blue Polo Shirt, he is looking me in the eye, with the most beautiful contact, but with a hint of cheek like he has just been naughty, I look at him in, our stares lock, it feels like minutes but in fact it is barely seconds.
All of a sudden this boy walks up to my face, smiles and says I Love You Mum! It’s then it hits me, this is Grayson, my baby. With that I am jolted awake.
He was, well how do I describe, pure perfect, he was about 8/9 and wow he was handsome, he was cute, well spoken all with the right amount of cheekiness.
This day I know will never happen, I am not being negative, I just know this is not possible for my son, I don’t love him any less, but right or wrong if I could make this dream reality, I would in a heart beat, for now I have to smile when I close my eyes and my dream appears and then I cry when my eyes open that this is not how it will ever be. To hear those words would be everything I could ever wish for, screw a million pounds, or world peace, thats what I wish for.